Thanks so much to everyone who read my first blog post! Your emails and texts have been so encouraging. I don’t think I even would have had the
courage to write this second post if it hadn’t been for that, so thank you all for your support! (And please keep it coming…J)
I’ve been so excited about my blog that I’ve already
brainstormed tons of post topics, and I’m pretty anxious to get writing about
them! Before I jump too far ahead
though, I feel like I should provide a little more context about what it means
to live a wholehearted life. I should
also clarify that while Brené Brown has created a great framework for
understanding wholeheartedness, I intend for this blog to be more than a forum
to test-drive her “guideposts for wholehearted living.” After all, I’m sure the quest for wholeheartedness
looks a little bit different for everyone.
When I first found the 10 guideposts for wholehearted living
in The Gifts of Imperfection, I
expected to read them thinking, “Oh yeah, I’ve got that one down. Yep, good on that one too.”
Well, here’s the list of guideposts and my reaction to each
one:
1. Cultivating authenticity—Letting go of what
people think.
-My reaction: Oh
man…Sometimes I worry a lot about what other people think.
2. Cultivating self-compassion—Letting go of
perfectionism.
-My reaction: I
don’t have the patience for perfection, but it’s definitely hard for me to
forgive myself or give myself the grace I would extend to any of the people I
love.
3. Cultivating a resilient spirit—Letting go of
numbing and powerlessness.
-My
reaction: Is eating half a pan of brownies and downing a bottle of wine
considered numbing? With friends, of
course…
-My
reaction: In college I scored super high on “gratitude” on a gifts assessment,
and “find joy” is sort of my motto for life.
I never, ever take off my bracelet that says, “Find the Joy” (thanks,
Emmy!). Honestly though, if I’m not
certain that something will last, I’m hesitant to be grateful. What if I find
out that it’s not what I thought it was? Better to just keep joy and gratitude at bay
until it’s a done deal.
5. Cultivating intuition and trusting faith—Letting
go of the need for certainty.
-My
reaction: See #4.
-My
reaction: I’ve deactivated my Facebook account on more than one occasion
because of comparison. Why is it so easy
to get sucked into the comparison game and suddenly feel like shit for not
having the things in life that I don’t even want in the first place? What is
that about?!
-My
reaction: I do feel pretty bad about myself when I realize I’ve just watched
seven straight episodes of Scandal. I mean, I don’t even like Scandal. Seriously,
I dislike every character, it glorifies terribly unhealthy relationships, and
it’s absurdly dramatic. Why do I watch
it?! Mostly because I love Olivia
Pope’s wardrobe. And I’d be missing out
on a cultural phenomenon. I’m still
slightly regretting that I missed out on Harry Potter, so there’s that. Did I just
compare Scandal to Harry Potter? Sorry, J.K. Rowling.
-My
reaction: Is worry the same thing as anxiety? If so…
9. Cultivating meaningful work—Letting go of
self-doubt and “supposed to.”
-My
reaction: Is this talking about expectations? If so…
10. Cultivating
laughter, song, and dance—Letting go of being cool and “always in control.”
-My
reaction: Thank God I’ve got at least one of these down. I’ve certainly never
been cool (I love being a total nerd), and I’m rarely in control (we’ve paused
several meetings due to my fits of “death by giggles”).
Honestly, I found the list of wholehearted guideposts to be,
well, quite disheartening. Seriously,
who lives like this?! Brown even admits
that this isn’t supposed to be a checklist where you achieve one thing and move
on to the next. Like most things in
life, it’s a constant journey.
Still, I’m up for the challenge! I’ve thought a lot about what it looks like
for me to live wholeheartedly, and I keep coming back to the idea that
wholehearted living ultimately requires me to be a participant in my own life rather than a spectator (Midtowners, I swear I had this post drafted prior to
Randy’s sermon today!). You may be
thinking, “What does that even mean? Of
course you’re a participant in your own life.”
Try to track with me on this one.
How many times have you walked out of work or school or
whatever, gotten in your car to drive home, only to walk in your front door and
realize that you don’t even remember driving?
How many times have you wondered to yourself, “When will my life
actually start? When will I meet
him/her? When will I find my
calling?” How many times have you binged
on chips and salsa, only to realize that you’ve just eaten a million calories
without actually tasting anything? How
many times have you felt like you were in a shitty place in your life—stressed
out with no end in sight, heartbroken with no hope for the future, unsatisfied
with your job but lacking a clear path forward, in the dead of winter,
desperate for warmth and sunlight—just wanting to get through it? Ouch. That hits a little too close to home, right? Good. Let that sink in for a while.
I’ve realized recently that when these things subtly creep
into my life, all of a sudden I become a spectator in my own life. An innocent and helpless bystander. A backseat driver complaining about the bumpy
road, the harsh turns, and the traffic that slows me down.
Awareness is a beautiful thing, is it not? I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve
gotten in my car at the end of a long day and just felt completely numb and
lifeless—without even realizing it. I
may not be able to “achieve” all 10 guideposts for wholehearted living, but I
certainly can make a conscious effort to be the chief participant in my own
life. The only problem is that truly
participating in my own life invites a lot of hurt and requires me to take
responsibility for a lot of the things I’d rather ignore. Truth be told, I’m sort of scared to try to
live this way. Better start practicing
that self-compassion thing now…
Till next time,
RR
PS: Check back on Wednesday for my post, "Setting Crazy Goals!"
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